My New Normal

I have been meaning to write this for a really, really long time, but I've had a hard time knowing exactly how to explain everything UNTIL I talked to my mom last week. With that, came a heavy realization that was quite frankly, hard to swallow. And I started to write... but then got distracted as it always goes. But today, I received a wonderful priesthood blessing from my husband to give me comfort and direction as I resume school in the coming weeks and I was told to share my story because there are others who need it. I was told that there are many lessons that I've learned that people need to know and Heavenly Father will be able to bless their lives through me, so here goes nothing.

Last time I wrote, I was still sick, but getting so much via foot zoning! And I have been so much better! I've been working full-time as an intern at an awesome civil engineering firm in Idaho Falls. The fact that I can wake up at 6, go to work for 8-9 hours and not be dead is a miracle. What's more, for the past 6 months I've had a calling that kept me busy most evenings after work and I still survived! Working these pst 8 months has been such a blessing and now I have the opportunity to go back to school full-time at BYU and I'll be done in June. For those who have been following my story, this will probably be the most miraculous thing of all. During my sick days, the very hardest thing for me to handle was not being sick everyday for months on end, but rather the fact that I had NO idea when it would end. I had no idea if I would ever be able to work full-time. I knew I would graduate someday because graduating from BYU has been my biggest dream, I've already put thousands of dollars, SO much hard work and 4 years of my life, but I had no idea when that would be. I felt like I was trapped in fog and I couldn't even see my hand in front of my face. But during that time, I did grow to understand that I could walk through the fog, with my Savior's help and I could make progress and I could be happy.

Well, the fog is finally, slowly disappearing and I can see into my future for the first time in YEARS. It's a wonderful feeling. I'm also quite aware that even if my future changes from the course I see ahead, I'm all the better for it.

That being said, these past 8 months have been HARD. Every Saturday I feel like I need to sleep all day to recover from the week. After every vacation I get really sick. I dealt with a lot of anxiety from Seasonal Affective Disorder. I've had leaky gut/candida overgrowth  twice which is the opposite of fun. I've missed about 12 days of work, I've been late and worked countless half days. And through these experiences, I've learned that although I have a new level of health, that health is very fragile. I have to do SO much every day, being constantly vigilant and diligent to carefully guard the health I do have. It's been really hard to accept this as my new reality because when you think of being well and recovering, you think, I can do everything I did before! And it's really disappointing to realize that life may never actually be the same.

As I was pondering this, I had the mental image of myself trying to start a fire. I was trying so hard for so long and finally, a little flame appeared. Is this the time to walk away and expect it to continue to burn brightly? No! Of course not. You continue to build it up, stick by stick, protecting it from the elements until it's big and you can step back and enjoy it's warmth. Even when it's large, can you walk away from it forever, never put forth any effort and still expect it to keep burning? Again, no. You will always need to continue to feed the fire and if you see it getting smaller, build it up again, log by log.

My fire is burning, but it's still small. No matter how much I wish it could be otherwise, gluten, dairy and sugar still make me more sick than I would like. Not getting enough sleep or not taking my supplements and teas, not foot zoning myself, being exposed to toxins, all make me more sick than I would like. Being diligent about these things was so much easier when health was the sole goal of my life, but now that I have busy days and long weeks, it's been a steep learning curve figuring out how to make it all work and it's still a struggle, but I'm making so much progress. I have learned so much. I have become much more dependent and able to figure out answers for myself. I taught myself how to foot zone (kinda) and that's been a huge blessing. I'm learning more about essential oils that I love to diffuse and I discover a new awesome herbal tea all the time. I use the emotion code every single day (see http://www.drbradleynelson.com/the-emotion-code/ if you're interested in learning more) and mostly I just feel so empowered! Before when I felt sick (all the time) I had no idea why. Was it something I ate? Am I continually being exposed to something that is making it worse? I had no idea. But now I have the tools to figure it out, to make changes and to get well! I'm definitely still learning, but I find more and more that discovering a passion to learn truth, wherever it may be, to help me and my family and I love it. I never, ever, ever, ever would've imagined myself doing what I do and using natural medicine, but I can never, ever imagine living any other way because this has helped me so much and I cannot deny that.

I also cannot deny the blessings that have come from staying faithful, from enduring well and putting my trust in my Heavenly Father to lead me along. As I look back on the years of doctors, at the time it felt like fruitless wanderings, but I now see a clear path leading me to exactly where I need to be and that shaped me into exactly who I need to be. Heavenly Father is so kind and loving. He love me. He loves you. And He wants us to reach our full potential and we simply cannot achieve that without His guidance and without the sacrifice of His son, Jesus Christ. I rely on Christ's power  and mercy so much to overcome, to endure and I cannot imagine my life without Him be my side. I know that God has a plan for each of us that is more beautiful than we could ever imagine. I know sometime that plan involves pain and heartache, but I also know that as we turn to Him and seek to follow His will, we can always find joy in our journeys.