Fall 2016

So, I actually wrote a post a few months ago, but I've noticed I always seem to post in groups of two. I.e. I write a post, don't publish it, wait a few months then write another post and post them both at the same time cause posting is actually really hard. You'd think as an owner of a blog I would be used to it by now. You'd think after having so much incredibly positive feedback after each one, it would be a breeze. But it's not cause it's hard to be vulnerable. But it is so worth it. I'm always grateful when people share their struggles and when they can connect with mine, no matter how different they are in, because that's what really connects us. It's what makes meaningful friendships and I'm so grateful.

Okay, huge update though. I'M IN SCHOOL!!!! This is a big deal everybody. I'm in 2 classes, Bio 100( my last G.E.) and Structural Analysis. That second was is a HUGE deal to me because, A, it's really hard and time consuming and requires sitting down for 3-4 hours thinking about 2 problems, and B, I've attempted to take this class multiple times and I was in this class for one month a year and a half ago and it was the worst because no matter how much I wanted to do it and knew I had to, I was physically unable to and it killed me. I ended up having to drop all my classes that semester which was one of the hardest and in hindsight best things I've ever done. So how am I faring now? I LOVE it. For the average student, sitting down to 3 hours of homework is not exactly fun or empowering, but I walk away feeling on top of the world. I did it! I actually understood it! I was actually able to sit down and focus and accomplish things without thinking about my physical sickness! Do you know how long it's been since I've been able to do that? Too long. It's actually coming up on two years.

So what does this mean about my health? Am I better? Not exactly...I still feel kinda nauseated and get headaches more than the average human, BUT I will say I have made HUGE progress in my energy. Remember how I used to sleep 12-14 hours a day. Every day. For the past 1.5 years? Now, I go to bed at midnight and I physically cannot sleep in. Well, not to the extent I used to. Now, I wake up before my alarm at 8, 9 and 10 instead of 12, 1, and 2. I hardly ever need naps. I have been SO productive, I've completely forgotten everything that can be accomplished in a real day! This means school is super doable and on top of that, wedding planning has been a breeze. Seriously we planned everything in less than 3 weeks and we only have a handful of things to do in the next 2 months. It's awesome. WHO AM I??

So, what have I been doing? What's the secret? Well, a weeks ago, I discovered foot zoning and I believe that has made all the difference. I definitely believe acupuncture has helped over the past 8 months #1 to cope until I found something to help more and #2 just to get me in a position where I was taking care of myself in such a way that I was ready and doing everything in my power to heal and be better. This scripture particularly hits home when I think of the past year and a half:

                "Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great." D&C 64:33

It made it all worth it when I go to the doctor and explain everything (for the 8th time) and he says things like, "Wow, you are being really proactive! You are really doing everything within your power to be well. I have no idea if I'll be able to help, but keep it up! I believe you will overcome this just with your diligence and attitude, eventually." And when I went to foot-zoning the first time, " I can tell you have a very healthy lifestyle and you eat very clean (healthy) and you're doing good stuff! It shouldn't take too much to help you." And it makes it all worth it. 

So, what is foot-zoning? It's an alternative medicine where you basically just get a foot massage haha but it's also the idea that your foot is a map to the rest of your body so by looking at certain places that are hard, red, swollen, hurt when pressure is applied, you can tell what's going on in your body. For example, I learned (again) that my main problem was lots of toxins and heavy metals in my brain. That's why it was difficult for me to wake up, it seriously took me like an hour of laying in bed before I could actually do stuff, and the brain fog, difficulty concentrating. I also learned that I have thyroid issues (again) and I have a virus (again). So if I already knew these things, what difference would it make? I think the big difference is having an effective way of actually targeting each problem to lead to a solution. My favorite part too is it's probably the cheapest treatment and so far the most effective. AND I'm on like zero medicine. There were times I would take 20-30 pills EVERY DAY. She put me on tea twice a day and some essential oils and supplements and I've gradually worked down to 2 pills twice a day. It's amazing!!! And I feel the best I ever had during this whole thing. I found out about her because Steven went to her this summer and got major help with a bunch of stuff that he's been struggling with for a long time and she's helped other people and I know it sounds like a weird concept, but there are definitely real results and it's awesome. I'm hoping this progress will continue, I have a lot of hope.

I'm not going to lie, this year has been really hard. It's tried my faith more than ever before. I've had to use my faith more than ever before. But it's through this year that I've learned that faith more than just believing, it's doing. It's doing when it doesn't make any sense. It's doing when it's the last thing you want to do. It's breaking up for your boyfriend you've already set a temple date(February) even though you really, really want to marry him and he's the only thing that makes sense in the hardest year of your life and you know it will break his heart almost more than yours, but doing it anyway because that's what the spirit said to do. It's getting back together 3 days later, having zero idea if it will work out in the end or if it will just prolong heartbreak, but knowing you have to give it everything you have to give. It's continuing to drive from Provo to Draper and back everyday for 8 months with the hope that it will be worth it even though you still get sick so much. It's telling your boyfriend that he should transfer to BYU-Idaho even if that means leaving you behind because you're supposed to stay at BYU Provo, but you really, really don't want him to do that either because it will just complicate everything, but doing it anyway because the spirit. It's selling your contract in June and buying a new one for the next year even though you love your ward and apartment and landlord and roommates and it doesn't make any sense at all and you really don't want to, but once again, the spirit. It's deciding to get engaged even if you don't know if you'll get married within the next year or need to be long distance for 8 of those months. It's signing up for classes even though you really don't feel that much better and have no idea how you're going to make it. It's planning on working full-time in the Winter even though you have no idea if you'll be physically capable by then. It's switching supplements and stopping medicine in the hope that it will actually be worth it this time.

And here's a random picture of a very happy couple. 

But, as you've probably figured out, all of these things have fallen into place in just the last month in a way we never could've imagined. A week before we got engaged officially, we decided to get married November 19th and that I would get an internship (hopefully) while Steven goes to school in Rexburg, Idaho for the Winter and Spring semesters and then we'll come back to Provo for my school next fall while he does an internship. Because I sold my contract and bought a new one, I was able to sell that in 3 hours, 2 weeks before move in day and live with my aunt Debbie in Orem to save money and so I wouldn't need to pay rent for a month that I won't actually be there. Steven was sad that he wasn't able to renew his contract at his apartment in Provo with all his friends, but it ended up being a huge blessing of saving money while living with his parents in Orem. At this rate, I'll actually have a really healthy, successful semester and hopefully actually be ready for a full-time job in January. We are SO grateful we didn't get engaged in February and married in July. We are both SO grateful for the lessons we each learned in those 3 days of being broken up. I am so grateful for every single one of those promptings I followed and for how everything has played out and I'm just in awe at the blessing of my Heavenly Father. I'm in awe at the power of personal revelation and the gift that that is. I'm in awe at the peace that has been given each of us in really hard, unsure times that gave us the strength and patience to continue into the unknown. It's always worth it. ALWAYS. And I'm grateful always for my Savior, for my trials and for everything I've learned in these past few years. They are priceless and so very precious to me. There are still a lot of unknowns, but I don't even care because I know that everything will all work out. And even in the times where things aren't working out, there is joy in the journey.

-Mary