When I was looking into those jobs, I kept getting the feeling, don't push yourself. Ease back into school, it's been a while. Don't get in over your head. (cause that's the worst) So I did! I ignored all the jobs, signed up for the minimum, just to make sure I could handle it. And you know what?? One of the best decisions of my life. From the VERY first day of school, I felt extremely exhausted. And I hadn't even been to class yet! Tuesday, I had my first class from 5:10-6:15 and I went home and fell asleep as soon as possible. It was unreal. And I would like to say that it's gotten better since then, but it really hasn't. But you know what? Because I followed that "feeling", this has been the least stressful semester yet. I can sleep, all day if necessary. My class has been cancelled 3 times in the past 4 weeks, landing on the days that I feel the worst and would actually like to stay in bed. Even on the days that I need to go to class, usually by 5 PM I can drag myself out of bed for an hour. My class has no tests. ever. So this past week while everyone else was stuck in their first round of midterms, I was in bed from a nasty head cold+stomach bug not even worrying about studying at all. I sleep at least 12 hours a day. I've finished 4 books in the past 2 weeks. I've finished 6 seasons of Drop Dead Diva in the past month. I've played in 3 flag football games, 1 ultimate frisbee game( I missed one with the cold) and 1 basketball game. I've even watched BYU football become the greatest thing ever, then crush all of our hearts.
Some people say I'm lucky to have so much "free time" to do sports, read books and watch TV. Some people have known me long enough to know that the amount of physical ailments that have befallen me are just beyond ridiculous. I've had more than one friend say, "JUST STOP BEING SICK!" haha I wish it were that easy. I'm just really grateful that I have been granted this time to be sick without the stress of paying bills, taking tests, and other adult things. I'm just really grateful I have this time to rest, to sleep to my hearts content and to focus on getting better. I'm just really grateful I have the opportunity to participate in intramural sports which gives me 3 hours a week of doing things I LOVE and mostly forgetting about my pain and sickness. I'm just grateful for those who randomly stop by and visit, who bring me treats and in general are kind souls. When the doctor told me my diagnosis 10 months ago, I really didn't know what to expect. he told me that it can take a long time to treat ranging from 9 months to even 2 years. But of course, you always expect to be different. My mind couldn't handle thinking about being sick that far out, I still can't. But here I am 10 months later and how did I do it? How did I stay sane and happy and full of faith for so long with so many treatments and little improvement? Honestly, I have no idea. Honestly, these months have FLOWN by. Honestly, I can't even believe it.
but, this Mormon Message came to mind:
Daily Bread: Experience
https://youtu.be/tJKmXtoMI5s
And in case you don't want to watch it, I've dictated my favorite parts...which happened to be most of it:)
"I think what we have to do when the pressures are there and the clouds are dark and threatening is take life a day at a time. It helps at times not to think too far ahead and just do what the day requires. "Give us this day our daily bread." We are not anticipating the hardship or suffering that might be entailed. We sometimes just need to break it down to this moment, this day. And while deliverance isn't immediate and you may not see the end, still you've got enough for the day."
"When this [the trial] began happening in my life, my prayer was, "give me a miracle, solve this problem," and it took a while to finally come to the point of saying, "I'm content to get daily help and let it take what time it takes, knowing that I am relying upon God. It's been a blessing ever since...because what it meant for my relationship with Him. Maybe the greatest blessing is to have to walk through it with Him."
-Elder D. Todd Christofferson
All I can say to that is, YESSSS! I am content. I don't need it to end now, I don't need it to go away, I am content to get daily help and rely on God for as long as it takes. I don't need to know when it will end, I actually don't want to, cause that might be terrifying and overwhelming. And in the spirit of authenticity, I don't want you all to think I'm perfect in my patience. It has definitely been a HUGE process over the past 2.5 years. I read back on my journals from the beginning of my mission when I got a cold and got knocked out for a few days and I lost my patience , wondering "when, oh when, will actually be able to be a missionary and bless the lives here." Reading that, I just smile, that knowing smile, Sister Pike had no idea what she was in for. Or when I got frustrated with myself for getting sick once a week. Or when it got worse and I was sleeping for a whole week. Then a month. It was a process, you see. Each time I got sick, my patience would last longer, before I became overwhelmed with my physical inadequacies. Then I would pray, sometimes in tears, asking for a miracle or a solution to be found. Sometimes I received, others I continued to wait with renewed patience and additional comfort. As the years have passed, those days of feeling overwhelmed and depressed have more and more days in between. They still happen, but relief is always a prayer away. Comfort. Guidance. Direction. Peace. All, just a prayer away.
This is my life, I am living it to it's fullest. I know that my life is completely different from all my peers, but I really wouldn't have it any other way. And now to end with one of my favorite quotes from Women's Conference, that I know to be true,"God didn’t design us to be sad. He created us to have joy! So if we trust Him, He will help us to notice the good, bright, hopeful things of life. And sure enough, the world will become brighter."-Pres. Ucthdorf
Have joy!
