November 2015

It is now November 5, 2015. So, it's been about 2 weeks since I last wrote (even though I've been slacking and I'm publishing them at the same time). I'm still here! (living at Jehee's place, I mean). I honestly didn't expect to be staying here this long, but I can say that it is the best. After one week of hospital visits and one week of lots and lots of appointments to keep and errands to run and bad news and emotional break-downs, these past two weeks have been SIGNIFICANTLY better. Jehee is doing much better emotionally, she still has a lot of decisions to make and a super unclear future, but we both know that everything will work out and everything that needs to happen, will happen as long as we try our best. And we notice the small progress like:

She finished her entire bowl of soup at Zupas
(this is a HUGE deal!)

That one time I left her all alone at one end
of the restaurant and she didn't even notice 

OR

When I tell people that my life is weird and I'm living in my friend's apartment and sleeping on a pile of couch cushions on the floor and I drive her to her doctors' appointments and she can never go anywhere by herself, they say, "I'm sorry! That sounds terrible!" And you know what? It isn't, not even close. I love it here! I love that I can help my friend everyday. I love that there are days (or even a week) that we both wake up feeling terrible and decide to stay in and have a movie marathon ALL DAY LONG.  Because if I weren't here, and I were at home, I would still feel terrible. I would still want to stay on the couch, not move and watch movies all day, but I would be alone. And everybody knows that movies and life in general are better with people around. Especially with people you love. Especially with your best friend.

Dressing up for Halloween- we still
get to be goofballs

And that's all I'm doing folks, making the best of 2 not-so-ideal situations. What I really think is amazing about all this is, in the time that she needed me the most, when we had to go the most places, when I needed to comfort her and listen to her rants and dry her tears, I wasn't nearly as sick as I have been for the past 2 weeks. When she NEEDED me, I had the strength, the energy, the capacity to be exactly who my friend needed (with the help of some other dear friends), and now when she needs me less, I'm sick more and I need her. She can't do much (no one can, really), but she's there and I'm grateful. 

It's also been pretty cool to look back and see how these events have played out. When I dropped all my classes in February, my mom really wanted me to go back home where she could take care of me and we could figure out all my doctors and treatments and stuff (cause it's pretty overwhelming). It made sense, but I knew it wasn't for me. On a particularly hard day, when I was feeling like dropping out of school would leave me purposeless and without the ability to progress, I went to the temple and received a very strong prompting saying, "There is much good for you to accomplish here. You will still be able to bless the lives of those around you." And then now, look at this situation. If I had gone home, I would still be home. If I had gone home, I wouldn't have been in the most perfect situation to be a blessing. Even though I'm weak, and still sick, Heavenly Father was able to use me as an instrument to be something great. And I know it's true for all of us. Sometimes we think "if only I were healthy, I could be so much of a help", or "if only I were rich, I would be able to donate so much more money and help others", or "once I'm out of school, I'll have more time and be able to magnify my callings", etc. But when we turn to our Heavenly Father, He says, "Give me everything you have to give and I will make it enough." 

Or, in more scriptural words, "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."-Ether 12:27

HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT. Never before have I felt more useful to anyone ever. Not just as a friend or a ride or a personal escort, but as Mary Ann Pike, professional sick person, my experiences, my struggles, my weaknesses, all of it, has contributed to helping someone else, and it's great. I highly recommend it. It makes years of sickness, pain and suffering totally and completely worth it. Jehee doesn't know when she'll be able to return to normal life or go to school or work, and neither do I, but thanks to the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and priesthood blessings and prayer and the Atonement, we don't have to.

Until next time,
Mary